From MultipleSclerosisCentral.com MS Awareness Month: What Do We Want the World to Know?

Mandy addresses the “Naked Lies”

It was one of those dinners.

The kind where I look across the table from my husband and just soak him in. After three years of marriage, I simply cannot get enough of him.

In the first place, I love him with all my heart. Secondly, I find myself attracted to him in the extreme. Most importantly, I LIKE him. Truly LIKE him.

What more could you want from a marriage?

What is a caregiver? Does it apply only to those who must take care of someone 24/7/365? Do you fall into that category simply because you have a spouse or other family with a medical condition?

My husband is what I call a “relapsing/remitting” caregiver. I bestow that title upon him because I have “relapsing/remitting” multiple sclerosis.

Sometimes he is simply my husband. Sometimes he does the extra things I can’t do. Unfortunately, when I have a full-blown relapse, he must step into the role of caregiver, taking charge of the household and keeping an ever-watchful eye on my condition.

People who find themselves walking that path have a unique perspective on chronic illness. Jim (aka Jake) hopes to provide insight, provoke thought and generally share his viewpoint as the spouse of someone with multiple sclerosis.

Please take a moment to read his introductory post, “The Long and Winding Road”, on MultipleSclerosisCentral.com. We hope you will visit often and become part of our unique community.

Jake’s Posts on Multiple Sclerosis Central
Mandy’s Posts on Multiple Sclerosis Central

Do you believe in the traditional theories of heaven? What about time and space? If you can bend time, is it possible to visit the past? If so, what about the future? Does it already exist? Do multiple versions exist based on our moment to moment actions?

Such was the conversation over dinner in our home this evening. It was probably a result of the death of our beloved cat last week and the odd personality quirks his sister has taken on since then.

I’ve always been drawn to the topic of time, space and alternate dimensions, but have never been able to truly understand the scientific theory behind it.

Simply fascinating dinner conversation.

Last night we ate dinner at our local French restaurant, which served it’s Valentine’s Day menu. Very romantic for our wedding anniversary and we were really feeling the love. The meal lasted two hours, which was perfect for the occasion, except that when my MS is this bad I have trouble sitting up straight for that length of time. I’m still getting better, but it’ll take awhile to get through a day without mountains of effort.

Tonight we didn’t seem to be in high spirits. Still mourning the cat. The work situation. The weekend is here and I’m still in bad shape. The weather is gray. Blah. Life is like that sometimes.

Naturally, we spoke of Bandit at dinner. Couldn’t help ourselves. His absence was keenly felt and the day was off-kilter. Poor Smokey wasn’t quite sure what to do with herself.

There are good things to look forward to, though. Tomorrow is our third wedding anniversary and we have reservations for the Valentine Dinner at a local French restaurant. Jim sent me some beautiful springlike flowers, which definitely lifted the mood.

My MS has improved enough that I expect to go back to work tomorrow. I think my usual four hours may be a stretch at this point, so I’m shooting for three. Whatever aggravations life throws at us, our anniversary tomorrow is a reminder that we are blessed with the most important thing of all.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

The mood at dinner was somber indeed. Our beloved cat, Bandit, died late his afternoon. Only having just turned five years old, he quickly succumbed to a bladder blockage which shut down his kidneys. He was a huge, beautiful cat which we often called our “galumph”. We, along with his sister, Smokey, shall miss him dearly.

Jim had one of those days where being the man of the family was not an easy role to play. Because of my MS exacerbation, he had to bring Bandit to the vet this morning. Then he had to assist me as we braved the elements and the MS to cast our votes in the Virginia primaries. Then he had to retrieve the remains of our pet from the animal hospital and dig a grave in our backyard. Freezing conditions necessitated three digging attempts and then the grim task of laying our galumph to rest.

Yeah. Just a cat. I know.

Five years ago, we went to an animal shelter to get a cat. We did that because we felt our home was too clean and too lacking in chaos. We needed some chaos. We ended up with two cats, a crazy brother/sister duo who lived up to their job description in every sense of the word.

You did good, Bandit; may you rest in peace.

Today is primary day in Virginia.

Never able to feel ‘at one’ with a major political party, I always left the primaries to others and waited for the general election to make my voice heard.

Here in Virginia, Super Tuesday is behind us and precious few candidates from either party remain standing.

Our country is in crisis on many fronts and, for that reason, I felt compelled to make an extra effort to do my duty as an American citizen.

It is a very cold day in northern Virginia. I am deep in the throes of a major multiple sclerosis relapse, making walking or standing an exhausting chore and my arms strained to the limit. I could not go to work today. I could not blow dry or style my hair. Our five-year old cat became deathly ill overnight and had to be shuttled off the the animal hospital, where his life hangs in the balance, leaving his sister to wander the house, searching in vain for her companion.

Despite the difficulties of working, taking care of me and our pets, my husband managed to find the time to assist me to the car and then into our local precinct where we both cast our ballots.

It’s that important.

Jim went out and indulged us with a nice, large pizza so that I wouldn’t have to cook. He’s a real peach!

As we often do lately, we talked about blogging and website design with a little MS thrown in for good measure.

Hopefully, I’ll bounce back soon so I can aim some more energy at this blog. As Scarlett O’Hara said, “Tomorrow is another Day.”

I’m proud of my wife. Not more than six months ago, we started our blog, Conversations over Dinner, with the hope that we would find it a pleasant hobby that we could enjoy and that would help bring us even closer than we already were. That part has worked out just fine and, if you have any sort of writing ability whatsoever, I heartily recommend the exercise as a relationship-aide.

So, back to Ann. A month or so ago she was approached by Health Central to write (as Mandy) as an expert blogger on the section of their website devoted to Multiple Sclerosis; Ann being afflicted with that disease and, in fact, penning posts in her own blog, MS Maze, devoted to its trials and tribulations. Well, she accepted the challenge and, as I expected would happen, has become a much-read blogger on their site.

Now Ann has stretched her wings once more. Two days ago she uploaded her first post to a west coast blog published by a team of women called In The Trenches Productions. The blog itself is titled Women Over 40 Rock. Ann fits the bill and felt that she has a few things she’d like to say about being a woman, being over 40, and the possibilities that are available to women today vs. days of recent past.

So do yourself a favor. Take a moment to read Ann’s new post on Women Over 40 Rock titled Our Time is Now. With all that women are continuing to accomplish in our world these days, I believe she may be right.

Dinner was nice, as usual. We talked about how our plan to increase business for our LLC has been showing progress in the past several months. You know, we ARE going to re-invent ourselves afterall.

Okay now everybody, raise your glasses, because Mandy’s (Ann) just published her first blog post over at Women Over 40 Rock, hosted by In The Trenches Productions. It’s not a place to slam the men, it’s not a place to moan and groan. Rather it is a place to share and to simply celebrate the power and the beauty of women over 40. You’ll come away feeling uplifted.

With several contributors to the blog and more frequent posting, you will have to check back often, so use that link on my blogroll and tell them Mandy sent you.

Comments are encouraged at the blog, which can be accessed directly or through the In The Trenches website, where you will also find a forum in which to share your views. C’mon over and say hello!

“We eat the healthiest dinners,” Jim commented as he approached the table. I admit it was a colorful and healthy display of tilapia, baby carrots and asparagus. We do eat very well.

Our cats, Smokey and Bandit, dominated the conversation tonight for some strange reason. They were hanging around all through dinner and playing in a large cardboard box we acquired at Costco today. I told Jim that were it not for those cats, we would have had a very quiet dinner. All in all it was very pleasant and we’re looking forward to another relaxing night, which will surely involve popcorn and movies.

MS made itself a force to be reckoned with today and promises to interfere with things for awhile. And so it goes.