When you have multiple sclerosis, you don’t have it alone.

You may be the one with MS and the physical symptoms that go along with it, but you can’t build a fence around yourself in order to protect those around you. Like it or not, MS spreads its tentacles out and affects the lives of your loved ones.

Besides being a person with MS, you may be a sibling, a spouse, a parent, a friend, a co-worker. You count on others and they count on you.

Depending on how MS has manifested itself in your life, it will touch everyone around you in small ways, and in profoundly significant ways, both emotionally and financially.

Emotionally: We’ve all had to do it at one time or another. Watching a loved one struggle with health is not a pleasant experience. Relationships between husband and wife or parent and child are disrupted — not that it’s an entirely negative thing, but change isn’t always quick and it isn’t always easy. In the case of MS in the family, close relationships may forever be in a state of flux.

A spouse who becomes a caregiver may feel overwhelmed by responsibility and fearful about the future. It’s a perfectly normal response. Open and honest discussion is necessary to avoid the pitfalls of an ever-changing relationship.

A child whose parent has a chronic illness may have trouble expressing the fear and doubt that accompany it. Worry about the parent, as well as concern for their own fate, may not be apparent. Discussion should be initiated by the parent(s) and questions addressed directly and honestly.

Friends and co-workers will have their own questions about changes in your health. Some of them will find the topic uncomfortable and may avoid any mention of it. If your MS is not a factor in their lives — particularly on the job — you owe no explanations. However, if it will impact the relationship, you needn’t wait to be asked a question — it’s okay to broach the subject yourself and say what needs to be said. It is the unspoken question that has the power to come between you.

Financially: MS can be an expensive disease. The issue of health insurance, if you don’t have a good group policy, is a major obstacle for many people with MS. Individual insurance policies with a pre-existing condition are difficult to come by and are very costly.

Aside from the obvious expense of health insurance and out-of-pocket costs associated with medical care, some MS patients find they have to purchase additional items to maintain quality of life. These may include mobility aids and other assistive devices, home renovations, vehicle alterations, etc.

If you can no longer function on the job, the switch from full-time employment to part-time work — or unemployment — can have a dramatic impact on the household. In some cases, family members who take on the role of caregiver, with its associated restrictions, also experience a decline in income.

No one in the family is immune to the emotional and financial impact of a chronic illness. Those of us who have loved ones to lean are the fortunate ones.

Originally published on Care2.com’s Healthy and Green Living

Defense of Marriage Act. Even as a heterosexual married woman, I am offended by the phrase.

The name itself is disrespectful and suggests that homosexual unions cause harm to heterosexual marriage… that people like me have a need to defend our marriages against outside forces — other couples — and I must confess that I just don’t get that.

Respect for Marriage Act. Now that has a much nicer ring to it.

You don’t have to approve of my marriage and I need not approve yours, but we should all have the same rights under the law. It’s been my experience that many heterosexuals feel the same way… we just haven’t been very vocal about it. So comfortable and secure are we in our marital rights that we give little thought to those who only wish for that same comfort and security. Shame on us.

Respect is a two way street.

Photo: http://www.sxc.hu/photo/829079

Read this post in its entirety and answer the poll — Do you support the Respect for Marriage Act?: R-E-S-P-E-C-T my marriage

It’s time for our yearly toast to my late father. It’s hard to believe he’s been gone for 19 years.

Happy Birthday, Dad.

My son was in his senior year at a university half a country away, about a 13-hour drive. He lead me to believe that with summer classes and his work at a PBS television station, he would be unable to squeeze in a visit that summer. Naturally, I  understood his reasons, but was saddened nonetheless.

I hadn’t picked up on the clues. His strange questions about my bedtime, my travel plans, etc. One Wednesday afternoon I called his cell phone and he abruptly cut me off, saying he had just arrived at work and would have to call me later, if I would be home. I told him I would.

Later that evening, I received a call from him. He said he and a couple of his friends were considering a road trip before summer’s end, and if they decided to go ahead, would we mind if they all dropped in for a few days? I was bubbling over with excitement and started asking when he envisioned this trip, when I was disconnected. As I frantically tried to get him back on the phone, the doorbell rang. Lousy timing! I called out for my husband to please answer the door, because I just had to get back on the phone.

As I was dialing for the third time, I paced by the front door to see my husband standing there with the door wide open, looking at me, a strange look on his face. Just beyond him stood my son, phone in hand and a sly smile on his face. I’ll never forget the picture of him standing there. Several yards behind him stood his two friends, kids… well, young men now, that I’d known most of their lives.

Over the next few days we got to reminisce, laugh, play cards, share meals and reconnect. That was two summers ago now, but it still makes me smile to think about my wonderful surprise, forevermore a cherished memory.

Video courtesy of Debbie Zipp of Women Over 40 Rock! and In The Trenches Productions

Death Threats?

When you have multiple sclerosis, you don’t have it alone.

You may be the one with MS and the physical symptoms that go along with it, but you can’t build a fence around yourself in order to protect those around you. Like it or not, MS spreads its tentacles out and affects the lives of your loved ones.

Besides being a person with MS, you may be a sibling, a spouse, a parent, a friend, a co-worker. You count on others and they count on you.

Depending on how MS has manifested itself in your life, it will touch everyone around you in small ways, and in profoundly significant ways, both emotionally and financially.

Read this article in its entirety:  Multiple Sclerosis: It’s a Family Affair

As a child, I wanted the game of Monopoly more than anything. As Christmas approached I took every opportunity to make my wish known.

On Christmas morning, sure enough, there was a package with my name on it under the tree. It had that rectangular shape of a board game and I was sure that I would be maneuvering the thimble around the board very soon.

Instead, I was the recipient of a game called “Go For Broke.” It was the exact opposite of Monopoly… the Anti-Monopoly. The point of this game was to LOSE money! First one to lose their money wins!

I thought my parents had gone mad, but I conscripted my siblings into service and we played “Go For Broke.” Against all common sense, we competed to lose money.

Why Mom and Dad pulled this bewildering switch on me I never knew, but more than 40 years have passed and I still remember the lesson learned. You don’t always get what you want. And that’s okay. It’s making the most out of what we do get that counts.

Since then, I’ve received Go For Broke-like surprises countless times. When that happens, there is nothing left to do but play the game.

I recently caught up with an old friend on FaceBook. We lost touch in the 70’s, and haven’t seen or spoken to each other since we were 18-years old, and this year we will both turn 50.

After a lot of back and forth messaging through FaceBook, she suggested we speak by phone, “like people used to do in the old days.”

We had a lot of catching up to do — marriages, divorces, kids, jobs, life. Her voice sound exactly as I remembered and I couldn’t help but picture her to be the teenage girl I once knew. She still has a youthful tone to her voice, along with the sense of humor that I remember so well, but the depth of our conversation illustrated the passage of time. It was a time warp of sorts, the past and the present co-existing within me.

I felt almost giddy with youthful memories, while welcoming the experience and wisdom we’ve gained through the business of living. We spoke until our phone batteries gave out, but promised to keep in touch. It is a promise I believe we will keep. The passage of time unimportant because we managed to recapture the friendship that once was, closing the gap of years.

After digging through some old photo albums, I finally found the treasured item — a yellowed old photograph of the two of us when we were 14-years old. We’re looking straight into the camera lens, smiling and happy, on a class trip, with all the promise of youth reflecting on our faces.

We couldn’t have known then what the years would bring, couldn’t have prepared for what was to come. Neither of us has lived the life we imagined back then, but we agreed that our experiences have shaped who we are now, and we’re good with that.

We laughed, repeating the oft heard, “if I’d have known then what I know know…” Our parents said it; their parents said it; one day our children say it.

Unfortunately, we can’t have the youth and the experience simultaneously, but the rewards of reaching a certain age are many. One of those rewards is reaching back through the years and recalling our youth, and the people who knew us when. Heck, we’re only 49, with a lot of living yet to do.

Fast food for dinner means dinner will be fast… and that’s okay if you’re on the run, but you certainly don’t want to make it a habit.

If dinner comes in a box or a bag, it sends a signal to gang gathered around the table.That is, if they gather around the table at all. Chances are they’ll eat it in the car or in front of the television.

I think dinner should be about more than the food. It should anchor the day for the family (or the couple). How you present that dinner sends a clear signal about how you want things go to. I’m not saying you have to break out the fine china and cloth napkins every night. It’s not really about that, but if you set a table with real plates and utensils — and real food — you are telling folks that you want them to sit down, relax, and share the conversation. Not allowing distractions like reading materials, toys, the television, and the telephones changes everything.

It might be a little more trouble to prepare and serve an actual meal, but the rewards are many.

Fast food has its place, but if at all possible, it’s not at the dinner table.

Change is in the air. All around us folks are cutting back and getting down to basics. Families are coming together and planning their entertainment on the home front. Even in troubled times the human spirit will find a way to celebrate life.

Home and hearth is in again, and it’s time to dust off the Monopoly game board, rent a movie, and pop some corn. That doesn’t mean that the little ones have to be sedentary. Wooden swing sets, easily assembled right in your own back yard, provide hours of fun, fresh air, and exercise. Unlike yesterday’s fads, residential swing sets will last for years — not only in the backyard, but in precious memories.

When my own children were toddlers, they spent a lot of time on their wooden rocking horses. That’s the kind of toy that has thrilled generations of children. We still have them packed away in the basement somewhere, along with their toy boxes, in anticipation of grandchildren.

Fleeting as childhood is, the memories we carry — for better or worse — forever influence who and what we become. Whatever our age, somewhere deep inside resides a child. When I revisit the scrapbook of my own childhood, the positive images that come to mind revolve around simple pleasures. I hope my grown children can say the same.

Some places have a feel. It’s an intangible that can’t be found in a chain restaurant or big box store. There are places we’ve been and foods we’ve eaten that we remember so fondly, so vividly, that they cannot be duplicated anywhere else and we’re left to wonder if they truly exist the way we remember them.

Back in my home town in northern Rhode Island, there’s a hole-in-the wall restaurant by the name of Ye Olde English Fish ‘n Chips.  It’s the kind of place that, if you were filming a movie about new england, would capture the feel and sense of place you would need to tell your story.

It’s common knowledge in my family that when I’m in town, a visit to Ye Olde English is on the agenda. It’s not a particularly impressive looking place. Show up on a Friday night and you may find yourself standing in line outside, taking in the aroma and listening to your stomach growl. Patrons order at the counter for take out or dining in the casual booths. The air is saturated with the smell of fish and diners are animated.

The fish is deep fried in plenty of batter and the fries are big and meaty. Throw in one of their giant dill pickles, and your taste buds never had it so good. After you’ve eaten the last fry with vinegar, you’ll swear that you’ll never eat again, but you know you’ll be back.

Little has changed since I was a kid. It’s still the same place with the same charm I remember. My family thinks I’m a little over the top about it, but then again, they live there. They can’t fully appreciate the unique character because they are surrounded by it. The slight accents, the sense of community, the things that can’t be forced, but must come naturally.

Every now and then, you can go home again.

I can’t help but wonder if anything good could possibly come from the deep economic downturn. There’s no shortage of bad news to go around, but I’ve noticed one little ray of sunshine. People are beginning to focus on the basic things in life. The things that really and truly matter. Conspicuous consumption is out. Simplicity is in. That’s a good thing.

As a society, we depend upon consumer spending to keep the wheels turning, but in many ways, we’ve taken it to unhealthy lengths. Take toys, for instance. If we pick and choose carefully, and…read a toy review or two, we can find toys that fit into the budget AND entertain the children. They don’t really need every latest and greatest gizmo.

Why spend big bucks on the latest trendy toys that will only be cast aside tomorrow? Perhaps it’s time to come back to the kinds of toys that we enjoyed as children.

Good old-fashioned Lego games, Barbie games, and Hot Wheels toys are back in vogue. These are the toys that have stood the test of time. They actually encourage imagination and cooperation. Basic as they are, children adore them!

Browse the toy reviews and you’ll find that kids and parents alike give the thumbs up to these classics. And you just might want to join in on the fun — we adults could use some playtime, too!

When you think back on the toys of childhood, what comes to mind?

Being a girl, I was supposed to be satisfied with playing house with my dolls, but that just didn’t cut it for me. I preferred to run around with my over active brothers… to pull and be pulled in our radio flyer wagons and pretend to be cowboys on our trusty old rocking horses. We chased our imaginary enemies and always came out victorious. In winter we had our amazing wooden sleds on which to glide down the hills near our home. Those really were the days!

Most of the backyards in the neighborhood sported simple metal swing sets, or wooden swing sets, and boy did they get used! Shouting, running, and a fair amount of arguing could be observed on a daily basis, but we were getting the most of each and every day.

We spent most of our free time outdoors, as was customary for kids of my generation. When indoors, we kept our little treasures in our toy boxes, making the most of the inclement weather, but always on the lookout for the opportunity to get back outside.

It’s a shame, but I don’t think children today quite know the unbridled pleasure of simply running around playing tag, or kick-the-can. Oh, they’ve got certain advantages over us as far as technology goes, but I can’t help but wonder if perhaps they are missing a key childhood joy. Freedom.

We recently had the great pleasure of attending a family pizza party.

We don’t get to spend much time with family so, when given the option of either going to a nice restaurant or doing a takeout/game night, we chose the latter. The takeout morphed into “make your own pizza” night, and what a night it was!

Our host and hostess opted to make their own dough, spending hours in the kitchen prior to our arrival in order to prepare the feast. They rolled dough and chopped and sliced until the countertops were fairly overflowing with colorful ingredients enough to suit all in attendance.

One by one, they called us in turn. Handed fresh pizza dough, we topped our pizzas to suit our individual tastes and off they went into the oven.

When it comes to dinner conversation, you can’t ask for a better set-up. Talk and laughter flowed freely as we critiqued our pizzas and enjoyed the commotion.

After we’d all had our fill, we moved on to games. That’s when we fell in love with Wii — something every age group is comfortable playing!

If making your own dough sounds like too much effort, you can easily substitute ready-made dough, and if you get the whole gang in on it, clean up will be a cinch.

What a delightful way to celebrate food and family. You’ll cherish the memories.

As a child, I wanted the game of Monopoly more than anything. As Christmas approached I took every opportunity to make my wish known.

On Christmas morning, sure enough, there was a package with my name on it under the tree. It had that rectangular shape of a board game and I was sure that I would be maneuvering the thimble around the board very soon.

Instead, I was the recipient of a game called “Go For Broke.” It was the exact opposite of Monopoly… the Anti-Monopoly. The point of this game was to LOSE money! First one to lose their money wins!

I thought my parents had gone mad, but I conscripted my siblings into service and we played “Go For Broke.” Against all common sense, we competed to lose money.

Why Mom and Dad pulled this bewildering switch on me I never knew, but more than 40 years have passed and I still remember the lesson learned. You don’t always get what you want. And that’s okay. It’s making the most out of what we do get that counts.

Since then, I’ve received Go For Broke-like surprises countless times. When that happens, there is nothing left to do but play the game.